Have you ever had one of those days when you are tired before it even begins?
Last week I did. My mind was racing. The weather was beautiful, so I knew I should get outside. There were some new recipes I wanted to try, a book about creativity to read, some errands that had yet to be checked off my list. The dog was looking scrappy so I needed to find the brush, and some catch-up phone calls were waiting as well as moving forward some new programs.
The fatigue increased.
I could feel this tension in my body that was demanding attention as I began moving into action. Instead, I stopped. Breathed. Listened to see what the tension was about. The answer came immediately – I was tired from trying to hold it all together.
I realized there is a part of me who is a rather relentless self-improvement addict. She is always trying to get me to be a nicer person, to eat what fuels my body, to keep up with my business and my friends and my family. To brush my teeth and appear like I have it all together.
Well, I don’t.
As I was walking with a friend yesterday, we were laughing about what messes we all are. If we could see straight into each other, we would all be pointing and exclaiming “she’s nuts.” We expend so much energy trying to juggle all our balls and look like we are doing it gracefully that the “we’re normal” charade becomes exhausting.
As we walked and laughed, the winter air quickening our step, my inner improvement addict began to soften. She was tired. She needed to rest her head on a comfy couch and to trust that just being was enough.
As she began to melt, I could feel my life energy returning with a soft buzz. Connecting to this, I rested too. In this moment, nothing more was needed.
As Pema Chodron says, “We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”
Ahhhh… just being me, right here, right now. There’s no improving that.
To ponder, journal or share on blog comments …
What part of you is constantly pushing for productivity and self-improvement? Can you dialog with her to see how she/he feels? What would happen if she/he rested instead, even for 5 minutes? What might blossom from there?
Winter Spark: Fan your Writer’s Flame – (brand new program!)
Available via telecourse
Begins February 11, 2016
What is my deepest wish for you? That you hear and heed the call of your ripened wisdom yearning to be expressed. That you bring forward the creative project or writing that matters to the front of your life rather than the dusty shadows. That you release it into the world. Join us in a community where you will get clear, get going and keep going! Details here.
Winter Women’s Circle – (brand new program!)
Have you ever imagined a cozy circle of women sitting around the fire and talking about things that matter? And delving deeper into their own wisdom with journaling? This January I am launching a four-month women’s group inspired by the book “The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom” by Angeles Arrien. If you are looking for conscious sisters in a similar life stage to gather and grow, join us! All the details are here.